hello friends. i’m finally emerging (no … nOt emerGent) from under a pile of seminary applications, essays, PT studies, google group creating, RENEW duties and one nasty birthday-cheddar-biscuit-coma. with my new-and-improved schedule, i probably won’t be able to post daily – at least for the near future … but will be back on here on a regular basis. sweet! i missed my blog. see you all soon! xxoo.
tick tock. (i was not raptured). November 12, 2009
Perfect excuse to stay home tonight and watch TV! October 5, 2009
Driscoll’s on Nightline!
Preaching against idolatry! (so hot).
Ten Commandments: Pastor Preaches Not to Worship Modern Day Idols – ABC News
hoRtoN October 2, 2009
this week i got to have a mini-sleepover with my two favorite girls dasia (left) and samia (right) (with, of course, their mom, finky finkstra (center) - one of my college BFFs). aren’t they all pretty???? the remigailo’s are in town for a wedding, but came a night early to see moi! which meant that i got to sit by dasia at dinner (and carry her home!), hold samia until she started crying, play preschool itouch games, and inventory all of the “fun stuff” (which included a large pack of orange tic tacs. dasia got two, i only got one) in her new purple and pink butterfly princess backpack. it’s crazy how much i absolutely love my all of my BFFs kids. ugh! hugs! kisses! snuggles!
finky and her family are missionaries in africa. they are hard core and crazy cool. i remember sitting on the dorm room floor in olson hall, talking to finks about cute boys, weekend plans, when EXACTLY we were to make our apperance at the DC and how she wanted to grow up and be a missionary. last night i sat across the table from her and her perfect-for-her husband, damon, talking about cute boys, weekend plans, and about how i am so.so jealous of their distinct and clear calling to be missionaries overseas. oh, just to have their confidence! they KNOW without a DOUBT that they are doing what God wants them to do.
(sometimes i think it would be “easier” (in so many ways) if God wanted the same thing from me. a hut in ethopia).
and i’ll tell you this much. i consider myself a sort of a missionary-in-training. currently my mission field is nyc. theirs is freaking AFRICA. whatever. anyway, we all love Jesus. but they LOVE Jesus. in ONE night they shared Christ to more people than I have in, um, the 6 years i’ve lived here. sad, huh? and it wasn’t the creepy, evangelical hard sell either. they just were nice and friendly to everyone. since people generally aren’t that nice and friendly in nyc, at least to perfect strangers, these hardened new yorkers always assumed (in this case, correctly) that they were from out-of-town. “where you are you from?” damon, “oh, we actually live in africa”. skeptical new yorker, “oh, really? you’re a long way from home. what do you do there?” damon, “yeah. ha, ha. we work for an NGO …” the conversation continues, amicably, culminating in damon fearlessly handing them a small tract with information about their organization. in my horror, and surprise, it’s always accepted with interest and respect. wha?????? i was seriously put to shame.
i need to stop seeing nyc as my playgroud and start seeing it as my missionfield. lesson learned, and this time finks didn’t even have to give me “the LOOK”. xxoo!
filthy roman sponge October 1, 2009
this is a clip from driscoll’s latest sermon series (he’s going to spend THREE years in Luke! so hot).
oh, that the love for my Savior would overflow. xxoo.
la de da September 30, 2009
there is a bunch of stuff in my life that i firmly stated i would NEVER EVER (i-would-rather-die) EVER DO. and then there are also a ton of things that i vowed (cross my heart and hope to die) i would always do.
then i hit adulthood.
i was crushed when i turned 29. because that meant i had only one more year of my roaring 20s … and then my life would officially be over. and so, in my grief, i wasted that whole 29th year, in mourning and researching retirement villages. once october 2007 rolled around, i was a mess. mopey and irritable. xboy2 was at a loss at my despair and i begrudged him all the more for it, since he was 28 at the time.
all my friends tried to make the most out of my 3rd decade milestone with a fancy dinner at STK and VIP access to a club with rihanna and JT on rotation, and a live amazonian dressed bongo drummer in the middle of the dance floor. i give them all an A for effort (or as NY would say, “an E for effort”). but, that was the last time i stepped foot in a meatpacking district club. mostly because that night i realized that all the girls there were 90 pounds of jailbait and the guys were creepy and 40 or in their early 20s in tanktops and a chain.
so now i’m 31, quickly going on 32 and i must confess, i’m actually enjoying my 30s. even though, according to popular culture and all my midwest friends, my life is the perfect storm for clinical depression, anxiety and deseperation with the capital D.E.S.P.E.R.A.T.I.O.N. i’m single, childless (human children, that is) and in school, again. but, to their surprise i’m not drowning my sorrows, “online”, looking at options to freeze my eggs or dressing in bebe and waiting around for a rich man to save me.
i’m coming into myself. and happy for it. gasp! to be honest, i’m actually really super relieved that i’m finally emerging out of awkwardness and insecurity and all of the other stuff that comes along with figuring out who you are.
i digress.
things i once though i would never (have) do:
actually want to go to bed on time.
eat a square meal … and make sure there is a large scoop of vegetables on my plate.
not be able to drink anything caffeinated after 12noon.
want to work for God fulltime.
want to marry guy who works for God fulltime.
think a prayer meeting on a friday night is super fun.
relate to the parents in movies more than the kids.
like cherries, asparagus and raw spinach.
love fall and spring more than summer.
wear shoes and clothing purely for their comfort factor.
pay for my own braces.
see friends and people my age die from cancer, divorce and lose children.
work in an office job everyday.
at some point, pigs will fly … trust me. xxoo.
Our God is a GOOD God September 29, 2009
since God knows EVERYTHING (even stuff like, “which came first – the chicken or the egg?” and “how much should i tip?”), He knows that sometimes I need tangible reminders that He is GOOD. Sure, i KNOW that God is good no matter what … duh! but when my mom is hugging me goodbye after a fun NYC girls weekend, it’s just a lot easier to feel, especially when she tickles my back a little with her fake nails, while her arms are still around me.
to my supreme delight, fall is upon the great city of new york. in the morning, when i step outside i get to say ’hello!’ to crisp and cool, instead of muggy and gross. and i feel the goodness of God, refreshing and brisk. i coventally (heart) fall. along with fall comes all the fun fall stuff. like apples and apple crisp and root vegetables and pumpkin bread and butternut squash soup and … APPLE CIDER DONUTS. i’ll tell you one thing, if the goodness of God feels like mom-hugs and autumn, then it has to taste like a bag full of warm apple cider donuts.
when i was little my parents would take my sister and me to tanner’s orchard on the edge of town. it was the best. corn maze, petting zoo, pumpkins, hayrides and applecider donuts. back then my mom would only let me have one donut. now that i’m grown, i get as many as i want! when i went with the girls on an orchard day upstate, steph turned to irene_murray and me, as we waited in line and asked if we wanted to share a bag with the group. i shot her a look of disdain and said that we were most definitely each getting our OWN bag. greedy, i know. but i didn’t drive 2 hours north of the city to rah-rah in leaf piles and pick apples. i came for the apple cider donuts and the hayride, which irene_murray and i rode for an hour straight as the rest of the girls gathered their bushel of apples in the orchard.
that said, sometimes, when i’m in a fall-state-of-mind, i imagine that the ultimate goodness of God (other than Jesus dying on the cross for my sins) would be sitting at my parent’s house with beatrice babycakes in my lap, my mom tickling my back, eating hot apple cider donuts and watching The Office. hmmmm … xxoo.
hope for the world September 28, 2009
Monday HOPE
got the munday blues? then listen to this awesome sermon (hot off the presses! preached just last night! audio player above picture) from my pastor, Tim Keller (TK to you and me)!
it’s amazing, inspiring and injects massive amounts of hope into your worn down, worn out heart.
i’m so glad that God tells Tim what to say, and that he says it super super super well.
enjoy!!! xxoo.
if you can’t get it the audio player to work, here’s the link to the sermon.
Hope for the World
no reason to hide September 25, 2009
for some reason i always wake up before my alarm. it’s crazy annoying.
as soon as beatrice senses i’m coming to, she scrambles up and out from under the covers to vigorously cover me with good morning kisses-kisses.
and i feel around for my iphone, squinting hard to make out the time.
of course … exactly 8 minutes before my first (of 3) alarms was to go off. i groan and roll over, sending beatrice flying to the other side of the bed.
i’m sprawled out and motionless, doing the calculations in my head. working backwards from when i need to arrive at the office. weighing the options of sleeping in vs. showering, not showering, before work workout, during work workout, after work workout, morning walk for beatrice, no walk for beatrice.
and then i remember. my mind moves from the sweet escape of nothingness and dreams to reality. i remember good things, bad things, life things. sometimes it comes crashing down like 10,000 tons and those mornings i’m thankful that i’m completely surrounded by down and feathers to soften the blow. and then sometimes it floats softly around me, twinkling and hopeful.
i’m always tempted to immediately turn on the tv to NBC, so i can lay there in bed, eyes closed, listening to the breaking news of the day, while beatrice flings various toys at my head in a desperate attempt to get me to wake UP! and PLAY!. but most mornings before i reach for the remote, i’ll talk to God for a minute or two. remembering to thank Him that i get to wake up in my wonderful bed, with my dog, on the upperwest side of manhattan.
i remember making a practice of this, starting back at Taylor. thanking God first thing. and since then it’s just stuck. it’s helped a lot. because there are times when the first thing i want to do when i wake up is cry. and sometimes i do … tears will pour out of my eyes as i lay there, beatrice frantically licking them away, unable to keep up. and i’ll sob to God that i don’t want to get out of bed. that i didn’t want to wake up. that i don’t want this to be my reality. and then there are times when the first thing i want to do is smile. and i’m comfortable and excited for the day. so i’ll lie there and hug beatrice happily and think “thank you Jesus”.
but most of all i’ve learned to keep those first waking moments, where you linger between sleep and life, sacred. no matter what is going on in and around me, i give it to God. in tears, hope, anger, gladness. i bask in the Almighty allowing Him to fill me with his good pleasure and love.
then i throw back the covers, find my glasses and start my day.
“For Christians, the beginning of the day should not be burdened and haunted by the various kinds of concerns that they face during the day. The Lord stands above the new day, for God has made it. All restlessness, all impurity, all worry and anxiety flee before Him. Therefore, in the early morning hours of the day, may our many thoughts and our many idel words be silent and may the first word and the first thought belong to the One to whom our whole life belongs.” -Deitrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together
a clear reality September 24, 2009
commute instinct: general themes: “me first” and “get the heck out of my way”. cut off person who is having a hard time getting their metrocard out of their pocket. swipe and go through turnaisle almost running into another person who cut just cut me off. don’t look them in the eye! don’t look them in the eye! mumble an incoherent “sorry” and fantasize about a NYC with 50% less people. cram myself into an already overcrowded train, giving a little push to the person with the huge backpack who won’t move over into the very vacant 2 inches of space next to them. 72nd street, a seat opens up inbetween two really large people. cram yourself in, thinking if they are uncomfortable, then they should go on a diet. then instantly feel sorry about that thought. but not enough to get up to give them more room. push my way off train at 42nd street, egging on the sea of commuters to extend no mercy to anyone who happens to go slower than 120mph.
homeless instinct: general theme: “ignore”. bypass multiple homeless regulars by my apartment and office. when i see them i always get an initial pang of “oh i should do something” which is immediately replaced by “i’m super busy right now”, “it won’t help”, “what am i supposed to do?”, “if i give them money they will just spend it on drugs”, “i just don’t want to take time out to talk to them”.
money instinct: general theme: “if i’ve got it, then i can spend it … on me”.
talk instinct: most of the time, gossip is a lot more fun and easy than edifying conversation. especially when i spiritualize it and coat it with God-stuff (you know like prayer requests, or anything that starts off with “i’m just really concerned about …”, etc). and when a friend vents or argues or wants affirmation of their bad decisions most of the time, it’s just a lot easier to give in and go with it. telling them what they want to hear, spouting off easy answers that don’t really help … but make your upset friend feel better for the moment.
time instinct: it’s a lot more fun to watch TV, flip through a magazine, go shopping or out to eat or to a movie. than study the bible, volunteer regularly (especially when it cuts into my “free time”) and spend time in deep, authentic prayer.
“stub my toe” instinct: general theme: bad words. if my mom heard me say them, i would get spanked.
injustice (only toward me) instinct: general theme: indignation and entitlement. no mercy. no grace.
“Have you worked the gospel deep enough into your life, that you can trust your instincts?” Tim Keller
letting it all out September 23, 2009
what was the last thing you put in your mouth?
a plastic soup spoon with overflowing with cheerios and fresh cut banana pieces, lightly soaked in fat free skim milk.
where was your blog profile picture taken?
in the bathroom of a lower east side karaoke bar.
can you play guitar hero?
i’m sure that i can. but have never tried. anyone with that rockband thing want to invite me over?
Name someone who made you laugh today?
i’ve got two. moi and JR.
How late did you stay up last night and why?
ugggh. later than i should have due to a late dinner with BFF IF at the porter house, time warner center. sweet views. great food (even though i vegged it out). hard but inspired conversation. on the elevator ride down i saw a nicely dressed lady grab her boyfriend’s junk through his $10,000 suit, while his parents were standing in front of them. nasty! they were coming from per se. i’m guessing she opted for the wine pairing with each course.
if you could move somewhere else, would you?
i would move to my phat crib that’s waiting for me in HEAVEN.
which of your friends lives closest to you?
beatrice babycakes. she mostly lives under my bed.
can you live a day without TV?
why in the world would anyone want to do that???
name something you have to do tomorrow.
wake up.
